SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
