Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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