We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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