google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
