Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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