remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize