i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my shit smells like andre
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
