i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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