After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
