If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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