Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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