Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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