dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
