I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
