I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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