I wish life had little blips of pornography
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
