So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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