Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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