I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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