all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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