The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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