U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
