Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
