Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
