I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just gargled with NyQuil
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
