So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
