I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize