I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
