I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
