break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
