I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
