epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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