her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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