Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
