its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
