I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
