The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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