I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
