Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
