I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
