NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
