check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
