so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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