Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
