If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
