More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
