why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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