I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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