I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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