I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
