Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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