you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
