so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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