I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
