I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
