UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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