Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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