My room smells like vodka and shame
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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