Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
