The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is classic penis vs brain.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
